Hello again fans. Peter Chapman here with a guide of how to pass your driving test.
I doubt that anyone is more experienced than me to be able to write a page of the DO'S and DON'TS of the driving test.

HYGEINE
Always make sure that you are clean and have had a bath/shower before you set off for your test
The examiners will fail you anyway they can. The more ridiculous the reason the better for them...
so if you stink that is what you will fail for.
Cleaning your teeth is very advisable. Bad breath may save you from being kissed from the perverted examiners but you don't want to end the test early due to the smell.

CLOTHING
Casual clothing is all that is required. Wear a clean pair of trousers, clean sweatshirt and you can't go to wrong
If you are female a low-cut top and a short skirt would probably do the trick but you may wind up having a female examiner...well yes she could be lesbian but think of the percentages.
Just remember to shave you legs and the other places you ladies shave.
Wear a shirt and tie and they will think you are a gimp.
Wear torn jeans and a punk rock T-shirt and they will think you're pikie' scum.
Any clothing with controversial statements or pictures should be avoided. Why take the risk ?
Football Shirts are to be avoided like the plague. Wear a Man United shirt and the examiner will be a Leeds United fan. Wear an Arsenal shirt and you'll wind up having a Spurs fan deciding your fate.
"Surely and England shirt is O.K ?" ....your examiner is Scottish!
But what ever you do don't wear an 'I Love Peter Chapman' T-shirt, they will fail you before you even enter the car.

FOOTWEAR
This is simple. Wear no shoes. Just drive in your socks. Yes I know it will hurt and be a strain, but wearing anything with a sole makes a noise. You'll have the examiner screaming blue murder at you if your foot even screeches slightly when applying your foot to the clutch. they will be so annoyed that a failure is guaranteed.

TO TALK OR NOT TO TALK ?
This is a tricky situation and like most aspects of the test you just can't win.
Talk too much and they'll know you're trying to crawl up their ass to gain a pass.
Talk to little and they'll think you have an attitude and being damn right RUDE.
NEVER start the conversation.
Let them talk first as if you talk when they deem you are at a busy part of road they will question your concentration.
Don't be Mr Stereo Typical. Talk about the currant state of the financial markets and not the weather.
Don't ask them how many people they have passed today.

DRIVING CONDUCT
There are some things you do in practice that are not advisable to do in test.
If another driver gives way to you Don't flash your lights at them nor wave your hands like a lunatic a simple raise of the hand will surfice showing them your appreciation. The examiner will see from this that your are a decent type of chap.
But hey Peter Chapman is a fully fledged legend and where did that ever get him ?
Traffic Lights- If the lights have been green for a while when you approach the line then reduce your speed dramatically. You may usually go through the lights when they are turning from green back to amber when driving around town.. but do this on test and you will incur one of those amazing minors or even failure!!
Also if you are waiting at the lights and you are at the front of the cue make sure you move instantly when they go from red-amber to green . If you delay in the slightest and it'll give the examiner the chance to prompt you to move and subsequently fail you for having to verbally aid you on test.
Manoeuvres- While doing a turn in the road...reverse round a corner or parallel park if you see a car within 50 yards of you then stop. Any closer and the exmaner will deem you didn't spot the oncoming vehicle quick enough and give you a minor fault for observation if your lucky he'll fail you.
Mirrors- Check your internal mirror about every 5 seconds. Check it to much and they'll adjudge you to have some facination with the driver of the car behind you. Not checking enough and the examiner will think that you disregard all traffic behind you and that you want to crash the car in order to hopefully kill your examiner
(oops their goes my secret for the next test!!!!)